Embracing My Crone Stage

On the Cusp of Becoming

I turned 56 last week. My mother and grandmother were way older at 56. Wearing wigs, muumuus, chain smoking, and drinking coffee all day. Glued to the telephone spilling family and neighborhood gossip. We raised ourselves as children of the 70’s and 80’s. We had the best times and managed to stay out of trouble for the most part. I still wear jeans and rock t-shirts. I was blasting the Foo Fighters today. Though coffee is a must, I’ve added herbal tea and lots of water. Healthier food choices than the good old meat and potatoes diet. I’ve been the best mom I could be and I think I am a pretty cool Grammy. But my body feels my age. Creaks, cracks, and chronic neuropathy sideline me much more than I’d like. Prescriptions, herbal tinctures, and supplements fill my medicine cabinet. Ice packs fill the freezer. I do still have a 22 yr. old at home, but soon enough, he’ll find his own wings. I am on the cusp of the Mother turning into the Crone. I am blessed enough with amazing family and friends. I still have the same best friend since kindergarten who is my “sister” since I only had brothers and many other soul sisters. I have felt deep grief of losing one of those brothers, my parents, some friends, and more.

What crone means to me isn’t necessarily the traditional scary, ugly, old woman. She is feral and is happiest among plants, books, crystals, and music. There is a freedom of not caring anymore of what people think or say about you. I leave the house now braless, makeup free with messy hair. I dream of living in the mountains surrounded by beautiful herb, flower, and vegetable gardens. I talk to my animals, squirrels, birds, and bunnies. I spend my time meditating and reading about angels and spirit guides. I collect crystals and feel their vibration. I feel the vibration of the earth while barefoot in the grass. I actually long for my hair to be gray; pulled up in a messy bun with my reading glasses on top of my head. I take the bits and pieces of astrology and human design that I have learned to try to understand what makes me the way that I am. I pull oracle, angel, and tarot cards to receive messages of hope. Rebellion has set in. I want to scream at the nightmare political regime we have in place and fight the awfulness of what they are doing to our democracy. As an empath, I feel so much of the absolute wrongness of them hurting people just because they can and it makes me angry. I want justice for all of us. If I don’t say what I think, my face absolutely will. The patriarchy has to end so the wise women can do the work to heal. I want to cause good trouble. So I calm myself with self Reiki and going into my Akashic records as a seeker for information on how to keep joy in my life amongst the madness of the world.

I do think of my own mortality often. My mom was only 63 when she passed, my dad 75, and my oldest brother was 54. I know the other side is real. Having friends as mediums has shown me that we do go on in the afterlife. I want to be here for my children and grandchildren for as long as possible though; to feel their small hands in mine and the hugs that bring tears to my eyes. I’m not afraid to grow old and gain the wisdom that inevitably arrives with aging. I finally know that corporate life doesn’t suit me or bring me any true happiness at all. I am here to share what I have learned on my journey with spirit and the divine, especially with other women. We need each other more than ever. We need to keep our vibrations high to hang in there with this ever changing world and be a light for others. I want to be a bridge to help us make it across into a higher, more loving consciousness. I am by no means perfect at life. I’m tested everyday but I keep getting back up and trying. So bring on 57. I’ll be waiting to embrace my crone.

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